LovingtoLearn

Washington, DC, here we come!

2009-06-03T09:18:00.000-07:00

California State Finals Competition of National History Day, held the first week of May in Sacramento...

Ben researched, analyzed, and wrote a 2,500-word historical research paper on this year's theme: "The Individual in History: Actions and Legacies." The title of Ben's paper is "Caravels, Gold, and Holy Wars: The Actions and Legacies of Prince Henry the Navigator - Tradition and Reality." He did an excellent job when he finally got down to it!

This is a picture of Ben just before he went into his judging interview. His older sister, Deedee, who won the Paper Category of the California History Day competition last year with her paper on the White Rose group, took charge of getting Ben to his interview room in the huge maze of hotel hallways since I was busy with the group of drama students I'd brought to compete. Deedee talked with Ben about his paper for half an hour to "psych him up" for the interview process. Apparently, her methods (which, I modestly proclaim, *I* pioneered last year on her) worked wonderfully well... because Ben won!

Here's Ben (w/ his proud Mom) after receiving the Gold Medal for his paper and also a plaque for winning the Arab and Islamic History Special Award. On my serious boy, this is a *thrilled* look, btw. ;-) But even more excitement lies just ahead...

Next week, Deedee, Caiti, Ben, and I will be driving cross-country to DC for the National History Day competition at the University of Maryland, held June 13-18. We're also planning to do a lot of fun sight-seeing while we're there, even staying over a couple extra days. We're considering this a planning expedition, too, as the whole family (well, most of us anyway...) will be driving back to DC in late August. We're going to drop Deedee off at George Washington University for her first year of college, and then we're going to do all the sites and museums in DC (ok, a *lot* of them). We also intend to venture over to Colonial Williamsburg, visit with friends in Virginia (hi, Mel -- get ready!), and hopefully, stop at some interesting places on our drive home to California.

But first comes the National History Day Competition! Whether Ben makes it to the final round or even wins doesn't matter -- just going is an honor and such a blast! Deedee and I had so much fun last year, and I know Ben will be invigorated and inspired to meet all these other kids from around the country who love history and love learning. The atmosphere is amazing -- almost electric in its intensity at times. ;-)

While we're busy at the Univ. of Maryland, Deedee will be going through Orientation Week at GWU (nice of them to coordinate the schedules of these two events for us, eh?), and Caiti is taking a little vacation from Stanford and planning to enjoy herself immersed in the scholarly stuff at the Library of Congress.... When we get back to California, we'll be starting with the daily treks to the city pool (where Paul, Deedee, and Shannon work as lifeguard and swimming teachers, respectively), and then in July, we'll be heading off on a journey through the Gold Rush towns before we start on our in-depth study of the Civil War.

Hope you all are planning some fun adventures for this summer, too! Life is too short to sit home and watch TV. (Though I'm sure none of you waste time doing that much...)

Take care --

Kim

Memorial Day

2009-05-29T16:58:00.000-07:00

Monday, May 25, 2009

Clam Beach on the far northern

California Coast

We decided to brave the two hour and forty-five minute drive on the steep, twisting, winding road through the mountains so we could spend a couple of hours at the awesome Pacific Ocean... before driving back home again! Clearly, Audrey had fun!

Waiting for the waves to come....

Deedee and Audrey enjoyed dancing in the water!

My two "look-alikes" were very much in tune with the music of the ocean...

Mom poses with her wonderful livewire Audrey...

...and then big sister Deedee holds Audrey up to smile for Mom.

Ben and Audrey had fun chasing the water and building sandcastles.

Audrey followed Ben around, doing whatever he did for a while.

Megan was carsick all the way to the ocean, but once she arrived, she loved it. The coldness of the water didn't seem to bother her at all. She just kept running in and out of the waves.

Here she is again laughing and enjoying her afternoon. ;-)

Jim was the first one to the water once we parked; he immediately ran all the way down to the beach and into the ocean up to his neck. Wasn't long before even his head was soaked!

Obviously, Ellie Rose was having a good time. She and Jim played for an hour and a half in the waves and finally came out drenched and COLD, but smiling!

All in all, the long drive through the switch-backs was worth it, and we had a blast! I'm sure we'll do it again soon -- well, maybe not that soon!

To tell you the truth...

2008-12-21T22:11:00.000-08:00

... I considered going back and carefully editing that Oct. 22nd entry to read tomorrow's date: Dec. 22nd. I should know better than to publicly announce my firm intentions to start doing something -- like revamping and writing more regularly in my blog.

Anyway...

I really have been busy -- mostly with Drama. All of the performances came off well this month, and our production of Our Town was a big success. Shannon (as "Emily") looked beautiful in her wedding dress, but it was sad to watch her die.

Here are Jim (as Wally), Ben (as Professor Willard), Shannon (as Emily), Caleb C. (as George), and Deedee (as the Backstage Person Extraordinaire).

I must say, the youngest kids' play, Saving the Barefoot Kingdom, was the surprise hit though. Especially the cute little dragon-boy.

(Jim is the old man in the green cape below.)

And here is one of our middle groups -- they performed a medieval comedy called, Because of a Fishbone, written several years ago by Deedee's best friend Annie (pictured with her just below)

As usual, Deedee was a huge help to me. (This is her with Annie -- looking both crazy and exhausted at the end of a long night.) I could never do any of the drama programs without Deedee. Which is why next year is looming so dauntingly.... but I do love our drama kids, and I'll post more pictures of them later now that I actually understand how to get them to my blog here. (I never said I was technologically talented.)

This week has been full with finally getting the tree and a few decorations up so that it looks like Christmas around here, and sending out some cards with a family newsletter, and (mostly!) helping Deedee with her many college applications (all coming due very soon...).

Caiti and Paul are home visiting for a while, so the house is full to the ceilings (nearly literally) -- and I must admit that it's also quite loud. With laughter and jokes and more laughter and shared memories and lots and lots of food and intense political debates and more laughter and more food and ... yeah, like that.

Hey, we even had some snow this week -- for a whole hour or so on three different days before it melted! Ellie Rose made a wonderful (actually, pathetically small and smooshed together and half-dirt, but pretend I didn't say that...) snowman. I give her extra points for ingenuity and optimism.

One of my blog categories is A Simpler Life. That's because a "simpler" life is something I strive to live. Hence, my mode of homeschooling -- the relaxed style. I've read books upon books on the advantages of simplicity. I believe in it. I long for it. And sometimes I live it. Usually.

But sometimes the simple life has heaps of deadlines and detailed requirements thrust upon it, and we have no choice.

For there to be major drama productions, there must be costume fittings, technical adjustments, and dress rehearsals. For there to be college educations and scholarships (at least in this family), there must be a season of tests and essays, auditions and apps. For there to be happy kids in a crowded house, there must be plenty of food, and thus, mother must routinely visit the grocery store.

But there are other times we make a choice to stray from the simple path for various foolish reasons. I am just as guilty as anyone else despite my self-proclaimed love of the "simpler" life. Yet knowing our weakness is more than half the battle, for we can only fight against what we know. Sometimes I'm tempted to buy just one more gift, plan just one more activity, say "yes" to just one more request on my time and sanity, but then I remind myself to step back and evaluate.

Am I being who I am called to be? Am I doing what I am called to do? Am I following the path that has been laid before me?

Because really -- it's just that simple.

Have a blessed Christmas season, friends.

Kim

Updating My Blog...

2008-10-22T16:42:00.000-07:00

I hope you'll be patient with me over the next few days as I continue updating my blog and giving it a new focus. So far, I've rearranged a little and redone my kids' info as they are all continually doing new stuff... and I've deleted a few old pictures, though I do plan to post current ones of all the kids very soon.

I also intend to start posting pictures within my blog entries. I have to keep up with other more technologically-advanced bloggers (who shall remain nameless). Said bloggers also manage to write in their blogs much more consistently than I do. Something else for me to work on.....

In the next few weeks, I hope to add a selection of plays I've written for use by others, as well as many history and science resources I recommend. In addition, my daughter Deedee and I are putting together a humorous summary of the SAT and ACT exams which should definitely offer some much-needed amusement to teens prepping for these tests -- perhaps even help raise their scores!

More revisions will come as I find time and inspiration, but hopefully I can retrain myself to post more frequently and more concisely. Thank you to all of you who have sent me positive comments, both publicly and privately, to encourage me to continue with my blog. I am taking heart and continuing on the way..... ;-)

Kim

What will they steal next?

2008-08-15T07:13:00.001-07:00

As I wrote recently, someone stole my son Paul's laptop out of his locked car.

Then less than two weeks ago, we came home from church to discover that someone had come into our backyard and stolen Deedee's and Shannon's bikes. The girls had planned on using them to ride to and from college classes this fall, and they're very disappointed.

(Me: not so much. I had a difficult time picturing them riding bikes with 50 lb. backpacks on board!)

But yesterday morning was the ultimate -- I came outside to water my lantana and my tomatoes, and I found myself staring bemusedly at our garbage can. I was 100% positive that just two days ago our garbage was, as usual, mounded high, heaped to overflowing, looking for all the world like a (strangely aromatic) grey plastic volcano, and yet there stood our can, lid meekly closed, appearing very unlike its usual day-before-collection state.

All I could think was, "And now they're stealing our **garbage**!"

Do we seem like the kind of people who would throw away valuable items?

Is it that we look so very rich that someone was tempted to take on our identities?

Or maybe, my personal favorite suspicion, someone felt sorry for us because we always have way too much garbage to fit in our can long before official pick-up day?

Actually it was nothing so exciting.

Turns out that Ben decided he was going to make everything fit in that stubborn can this week no matter what. So he spent a half hour jumping up and down on the bags until they were completely squished down below the lid level.

It looks so nice, too.

I can only hope that the three tons (more or less) of garbage are not so firmly wedged into the dark, stinky bottom of that can that they simply will not budge when the garbage truck turns it upside down in a couple of hours and attempts to shake out the contents.

Now that would be really bad. No good deed goes unrewarded, eh?

Kim

August 3, 2007....

2008-08-03T23:56:00.000-07:00

It was a year ago today that Nathan was born still, and it's been a difficult but sweet day. Really though, this whole summer has been like that -- very hard. I'll be sitting by the pool, watching the kids swimming, and I'll suddenly feel like I'm reliving a moment from last summer. The sights and sounds, my iced tea, the feel of the water spray and the sweat running down the back of my neck -- all take me back. I look down and remember my big pregnant belly and what it felt like to be blissfully unaware, still looking forward in excited anticipation, not having any idea it was all about to come crashing down around me.

I'm sure each mom does things differently to honor (and just to *survive*) the anniversary of her baby's/child's death. What means so much to one mom might not mean as much to another. I can only share what is helping me, and I am just starting out on a lifelong journey.

When Nathan died, I felt compelled, instinctively, to make memories for my other kids. So throughout my 29 hours in the hospital with Nathan, as the nurses monitored my recovery, I had my older girls taking pictures. We took his footprint and cut a piece of his hair. I wrapped him in a special blanket that I'd crocheted for him. I dressed him in two separate outfits on those two days (and then we bought him a special one for his burial). This week, I put out all those things (and more) for my kids to handle, to feel, to snuggle, to remember.

After the funeral, I spent the rest of August doing Nathan's scrapbook. I just worked on it every day at the kitchen table. I didn't really do anything *except* this -- it was my way of getting through that awful time. I read several books, (especially MacArthur's _Safe in His Arms_), searching for comfort, for reason, for something to write in the scrapbook. I cried. And I cried some more. Then I cut and arranged and wrote out my heart. It was my therapy.

I know my children saw how important Nathan is (and in turn, *they* are...) to me. I was so blessed that I had the freedom and ability to work uninterrupted for the most part. My older girls were wonderful in handling the younger kids because I just couldn't at that time. Also, I didn't have to worry about meals since the local homeschool moms took it on themselves to provide for us for a full month. They still have no idea how much that helped me. Doing Nathan's scrapbook was how I **grieved** and how I healed, too.

The scrapbook has played a huge role for my whole family in remembering Nathan this week. I brought out the scrapbook from my room several days ago and put it where everyone could have a chance to look through it again. The book is filled with pictures of the kids holding Nathan, with my journaling of what Nathan meant to us, and with special verses and songs and poems that have really helped me. The kids all love it, and I will make sure to bring it out every year during this first week of August.

When I was in the hospital with Nathan, Caiti (my oldest daughter) brought Nathan a little stuffed elephant. It is in Nathan's picture that I have here on my blog, and it sits next to that same framed picture in my front room now. At Christmas-time, Megan (my almost 5yo dd) gave Nathan her own stuffed elephant, too, and this week I found a small cute painted elephant that I took to Nathan's gravesite. The elephant has become a little mascot for my boy, and I have a feeling I will be on the lookout for these animals from now on.... Perhaps each year on Nathan's anniversary, I will add one to his collection.

This week I also found a little porcelain teddy bear "Mama" with angel wings. She's sitting down and a beautiful little toddler boy is kneeling against her lap. For some reason, this figurine spoke to my Mama's heart. I bought two of them -- and I put one at the cemetery, and the other is now sitting on my fireplace mantel next to a picture of Nathan.

I actually spent a lot of time at Nathan's grave this week. I've been going there regularly all year -- once a week at least, often more. I don't consider it morbid. I gain a sense of peace and equilibrium from spending 30 minutes to an hour trimming the grass around all the pinwheels and silk flowers I have "planted" there. I usually listen to some special songs on my CDs on the drive to the cemetery (such as "Homesick"), and I spend some time praying out loud, just telling God my feelings without having to worry that what I'm saying might shock Him or upset HIm. I know He can handle it -- thankfully! This routine has really helped me get through this year in one piece.

As July drew to a close, and I knew the anniversary was approaching, I realized I wanted to mark the day as being significant to our family (because it really is), and yet I didn't want to drag anyone down into depression. (Having teenage girls, I do try to be aware of their hormonal tendencies...). At Nathan's funeral, each of the kids released a colorful helium balloon to "fly" up to Nathan, as I thought this would help the little ones (Megan really, as Audrey is too young) to understand better where Nathan is right now. It seemed to work very well last summer, so I thought we'd do it again today as a sort of tradition. So we did -- from 21yo Caiti down to 2yo Audrey, and they all laughed and pointed and tried to keep track of those balloons racing all the way up to Nathan in heaven.

In the 3 & 4yo SS class I teach, Megan told everyone that today is her brother Nathan's birthday but that he died and he lives in heaven now. She is very aware of when Nathan's birthday is because hers is just 12 days after it, and she is quite happy that they share the same birthstone (peridot). The children this morning asked all about Nathan, and they were very impressed that he gets to live with Jesus already. It was very sweet.

My oldest daughter brought me some beautiful flowers today along with a little wooden bird, painted a dusky green, with the word "Love" written at the base. She just wanted me to know how much she cares.

It hasn't all been light and pretty though.

I have spent hours this week just groaning those guttural cries that we make when there simply are no words. But overall, for me, it works best to regularly unburden my soul cries to the Lord. Otherwise I risk falling back into that scary pit of depression that still threatens to overwhelm me at times.

A month ago, while I was working on the flowers at Nathan's grave, I saw a small family come and sit by a new grave for a while. A young girl ran around the grounds, the father stood off silent and alone, and the mother sank down to the grass in what looked like desperation. I had a strong feeling that she had just lost a baby. After they left, I went to see -- and yes, their baby boy was born still, too. Yesterday I took a bouquet of yellow roses, tied with Nathan's signature white ribbon w/ the pastel baby footprints, and planted it off to the side at their little boy's grave.

Today, the mom had moved the yellow roses into the center with her own flowers. I think she knows where they came from and hope she understands I am praying for her. Maybe Nathan is even now playing in heaven with their Casyn.

Kim

Summer of the Fires Continues...

2008-07-27T07:31:00.000-07:00

Living in our northern California valley home this summer has been interesting. There is still plenty of heat, but there is no sun, no blue sky, no clean air.

Every day, with little variation, is the same. Dark brown/grey smoke everywhere. When you are driving around town, it feels completely surreal. As if you are in a doomsday movie or something. Like a nuclear bomb just went off, and you are living in the aftermath. Except there are green trees and buildings all around you, and cars are racing by you. It's difficult to describe, but it is definitely eery.

The last few days have been the worst all summer as far as air quality and visibility go. All outdoor events (like the kids' Junior Giants baseball games) have been cancelled. I went shopping at Safeway for about 10 minutes yesterday evening, and I nearly keeled over from the intense wall of acrid smoke that slammed into me when I walked out of the store. On the way home, I couldn't see more than 25 yards in front of me. We no longer have a horizon. No mountains. No moon. No nothing.

It's like living in a "white-out" snow storm. No, it's like living in an all-encompassing, ongoing desert dust storm -- it's a "brown-out" all the time. No, it's a reeking, gritty smoke storm, that's what it is, and I think it's going to be here all through the summer, and the fall, and maybe even into the winter....

Sadly,

Kim

Paul's New Laptop!

2008-07-27T07:27:00.000-07:00

Wow, Paul was thrilled last weekend when my parents (who were up for a big family birthday party) gave him the money to replace his stolen laptop. After a lot of online research, he and Tod went out the next day, and he bought just the one he wanted -- on sale, too!

Aren't grandparents great? I can't wait until I'm a grandparent one day. Well, yes, actually, I can wait... I mean, I'm not in any hurry or anything....! But I certainly will enjoy it when the time comes.

;-)

Kim

Counting Our Blessings ....

2008-07-19T14:51:00.000-07:00

Two days ago, my oldest son had his backpack stolen from the floor of his locked car. His laptop computer was in his backpack. This was a devastating blow to him. The laptop was less than a year old, and all of his contacts, college papers, ROTC material, and personal info were on it. In addition, his **writing** was on his laptop -- his entire first book and part of his second book.

Paul's backpack contained his writing binder, too -- which was full of his detailed notes, character studies, and outlines for his whole book series. A number of other items were in the backpack -- some only slightly important and some more difficult to replace. All in all, a real invasion of privacy and very discouraging. But Paul handled himself so well. He didn't get angry, and he didn't let this swallow him up into depression. Instead, he reported the crime to the police, and they came and interviewed him and took fingerprints from the car and such. Then they told him that the odds of him getting anything back were very slim to nil.

Amazingly, yesterday afternoon, a park worker found Paul's ditched backpack in the river park about 50 yards from the parking lot where it had been stolen. The employee turned it in to the nearby Aquatic Center where Paul works, and so he now has everything back except the laptop. I had prayed for just this outcome around noon (after my husband and I had searched the park ourselves while Paul was at work). God heard and answered. (Now I'm thinking I should have asked for the laptop, too!)

Another great thing is that Paul was smart enough to have his whole book backed up on a jump-drive, and he has already uploaded it on to one of our home computers as well. In the next few days, his older sister is loaning him the money to buy a new laptop -- so he can get to work on his novel again and begin recovering his information and contact data before he returns to college at the end of August. He will pay her back in the next few months from his summer earnings. Not what he had *planned* to do with his money, but at least he *has* the money.

One lasting major effect -- Paul will need to check his credit record consistently for the next two years to make sure he is not a victim of identity theft as well. If the thief manages to break through the passwords, he would have access to Paul's private information. Such is life in this modern technological age....

Kim

It's that time again....

2008-07-17T13:28:00.000-07:00

I have an article due in 2 weeks. It's a homeschooling magazine high school column, and I've been writing it for about a year and a half now. Sometimes I think I'm running out of specific things to say to parents who are homeschooling their teens, and sometimes I think the possibilities are endless.

For many years people have asked me to explain how my kids learn to write so well. Recently, these questions have increased, probably due to the fact that in the last few months my 17yo dd, Deedee, first won a Scholastic Young Artists and Writers National Gold Medal for a play she wrote about children in the Holocaust, and then she won the California History Day top award for her paper on the White Rose group (WWII anti-Nazi German college students).

Moms want to know how I "get" my kids to write. And how they learn to write the *way* they write.

So I should probably do an article on this topic. I think there is plenty of interest. The only problem is that I don't have some "magic" curriculum to recommend. My kids write as they do (and thrive on writing!) because they have grown up feasting on great books. They have eagerly tried to create their own interesting characters and plots since they were very young, and they love researching and then passing on to others the many intriguing stories they come across in their study of history.

So how to communicate this "method" to other parents? Is it actually a topic I can analyze and demonstrate in a way that is accessible and helpful to others without making them feel discouraged? Will people be open to the idea of approaching writing in a natural way? That's what I have to figure out... and soon.

Kim

Practice Makes Perfect...

2008-07-16T09:01:00.000-07:00

Or as my musician daughter likes to say, "Perfect practice makes perfect!"

So I think I need to practice writing short blog entries. You might have noticed that I'm already quite good at long ones. But I've heard a few times recently that *most* people really prefer reading *short* entries.

Hmmmm... I guess that means I'm not like "most people" -- and do NOT say you already knew that...

Ok, I vow to make a series of short(er) entries. For a while anyway.

Just to show that I can. ;-)

Kim

Gratitude

2008-07-14T22:51:00.000-07:00

I am so grateful for my family and my life.

May I take the time to enjoy and savor every moment. Please, God, help me take nothing for granted.

And may my children understand this valuable truth much earlier than I did.

Summer of the Fires

2008-07-12T07:32:00.000-07:00

Here in our valley town, we feel stuck in the middle of everything. Hundreds of fires are burning all around us. The thick brown/grey smoke is everywhere; the white ash and the charcoal-like bits and pieces rain down and cover our cars like confetti, fill the swimming pools, and litter our laps as we try to watch our kids play baseball.

The combination of the regular high summer heat (110 degrees and up) and the densely smoky air, added to the fact that there is no actual sunlight, makes me feel like I'm bread baking in a brick oven. The lack of direct, glowing sunlight has really depressed me. I am one of those women who needs the bright sun -- I grow so discouraged and lethargic without it. That's one of the big reasons we settled in this area.

Yet when I think of all the firefighters and their families are going through right now as well as what the people with homes being threatened are experiencing, I know I have it easy. I thank God every day for protecting all of us who live here in the North State -- I also thank Him, though it might seem trivial to some, for mercifully giving me the physical and emotional stength to live without the sun's light all this time. And to smile and laugh and think positively... still. And to know that one day soon, this summer will be just a smoky memory.

Kim

Summer Days....

2008-07-04T09:52:00.000-07:00

I thought it was time I posted a little about what I saw and did during the busy month of June. I didn't exactly relax, but I did have a good time. ;-) First, Deedee, my 17yo daughter, and I traveled from our small northern California town to the heart of NYC for an awards ceremony at Carnegie Hall. (Read previous posts for more info about the play she wrote.) For a week, we visited all the sites -- Empire State Building, Ellis Island, Central Park, Metropolitan Museum of Art, etc... -- and we spent a lot of time at the Museum of Jewish Heritage. It was a wonderful experience for both of us. We took tons of pictures and had great fun finding our way around on the Metro, walking a lot, seeing a wonderfully funny Broadway musical/mystery play, and enjoying real bagels!

Then we came home for a week, and that was great, too. The rest of the family had kept everything running smoothly while we were gone. Of course, we knew that already because we have cell phones now and had stayed in touch daily. ((I finally gave in to this technology just before the NY trip. I hold out on these kinds of things as long as I can -- pure stubbornness, I suppose...). So I wasn't surprised to see my tomatoes were actually alive and the laundry was caught up, but it was still a nice homecoming. Also very nice was the way my 2yo came running to hug me with open arms. ;-) "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" does work most of the time.

That week was quite busy, as the annual County Fair was taking place, and most of the kids had entered artwork and/or baked goods. We enjoyed our time looking at all the exhibits and munching our huge mustard corn dogs. In addition, it was also the big week of daily rehearsals leading up to the annual Dance Performance for the girls. Shannon and Ellie Rose were wonderful in their modern lyrical dances -- Ellie Rose did a fun dance to Tarzan's "Trashin' the Camp" song -- that's the scene where the gorillas come in and curiously "investigate" all the weird stuff at the "human" camp. The girls in her dance looked like they were really having FUN up there. Shannon's class did a gorgeous dance to Joni Mitchell's "Blackbird Singing in the Dead of Night." Shannon then had two different large roles in the ballet ("The Red Shoes"), including a special duet dance. She continues to be more and more graceful every year. I have no idea how she manages to make dancing "en pointe" look so easy and beautiful, but she does. Ellie Rose did a great job in her ballet as well. As always, she was by far the tallest (and tannest!) girl in her group. ;-) Usually Deedee is involved with dance, too, but this year tap just didn't fit in her schedule. Anyway, the two shows went perfectly, and then Deedee and I left again in the middle of the night, right after the last dance performance, to drive down to the airport for our second adventure...

This time we flew to Washington, DC for the National History Day competition. (Again, see previous posts for info on that.) We had a great time during our week in DC. Deedee hadn't been there since she was about 3, so we tried to see as much as possible. Like all things in life, we had to prioritize our choices since it was obvious we couldn't begin to cover everything.

We toured all the monuments, of course, and we just "happened" to enter the Tidal Basin walkway between the Washington Monument and the Jefferson Memorial as a very brief, light shower ended. As we stepped forth from the overhanging trees on to the sidewalk, we were greeted with a young man running crazily past us as a middle-aged woman a slight distance away shouted, "We can take 'em live! We can take 'em live!"

For a moment, we wondered.

Then we noticed the huge TV camera that was facing the water, and we realized they were talking about taking pictures "live" for the local news broadcast. As we looked to our left we were almost overwhelmed with the beauty and awe of a huge double rainbow that reached all the way from the Jefferson Memorial on the right side of the Basin to the Washington Monument on the left side. We started snapping pictures frantically ourselves, and though our little cameras couldn't take in the entire expanse, we did manage to get some spectacular shots. God's artistic ability truly is amazing!

The highlight of our DC trip was definitely the entire day we spent at the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum. I cannot describe to you the impact this place had on us, despite the fact that we have studied that period in history extensively. Seeing and hearing firsthand the stories of those who were murdered and those who survived changed us deeply.

Since being back from these trips, I have enjoyed settling into our "summer" routine. The older kids are all working at their jobs -- Paul is Head Lifeguard at our community's pool/rec center. Deedee is a swimming instructor there. And Caiti is finishing up her year at a law office in town before heading off to grad school at Stanford this fall. Shannon keeps busy with summer dance lessons, babysitting jobs, and academics (algebra, chemistry, and literature...). The middle kids (Ben, Ellie Rose, and Jim) are all involved with the Jr. Giants baseball program. It only lasts about 8 weeks, and it emphasizes improving basic skills, real teamwork, and positive character traits. We are spending several afternoons at the pool every week so the kids can work on their swimming stamina and have fun relaxing in the high heat, and we are planning on going camping in August.

But things are certainly not "normal" around here in every way. We are surrounded by fires on all sides. None of them are endangering our own immediately local community -- some are within 15 miles, some are 25 miles away, and others are 120 miles from here. But all of them have flooded our valley with heavy smoke that blots out the sun almost constantly. Sometimes days go by where we have nothing but that ominous dark brown/grey fog everywhere. Sometimes it's just up in the sky; sometimes it's so thick we can't see more than 50 yards down the road. There are hundreds and hundreds of fires burning right now, most originally sparked by dry lightning storms a couple of weeks ago. Miraculously, I have heard of no one dying due to any of the fires. In this area, we owe a lot to our firefghters.

So the annual fireworks celebration for today has been canceled. Some of my kids usually play in the community's July 4th Band , but that, too, is not happening this year. Yet these changes don't mean we are not taking time to think about what this country and its freedoms mean to us -- as a family, as homeschoolers, as Christians, and as Americans. More so right now than ever before perhaps, as we look to the elections coming in November, as we consider all we saw in NYC and in DC recently, as we realize again what this country is to us today and what it has been to others in the past, we thank God for the blessing of America.

Happy 4th of July to all of you!

Kim

She Didn't Win, But She Should Have!

2008-06-26T09:53:00.000-07:00

Ha -- Isn't that what they all say?!

In this instance, I really believe it might be true though. ;-)

One of the judges who read Deedee's paper thought it was fantastic and lavished her with praise in his written evaluation. He said he was giving her the "highest compliment a historian can give a paper" by admitting that her writing had made him think of the topic in an entirely new light and provoked him to more research . He also wrote that her analysis and writing were already on the graduate student level, and he made it quite clear that he thought her paper definitely should have gone on to the final round and perhaps won the whole national competition.

However, the other judge also made his views clear. While he gave Deedee the highest marks possible and thought her writing was excellent, he considered the topic to be too insignificant historically. He actually asked her in the interview, "So what did these young people actually accomplish? Are they really that important?"

In fact, the White Rose *is* that important (as shown by the attention still paid them today and the inspiration they give to people everywhere to speak up for the truth even in dangerous times), and Deedee addressed that point eloquently in her paper.

ANYWAY.... it's all good. Deedee learned firsthand the lesson we all have to learn (over and over again unfortunately): life is not fair.

She handled the loss admirably, and I am extremely grateful that the one judge took the time to write two pages of specific positive feedback to her. He knew we would be wondering why her paper had not fared better. We had managed to read at least half of the other 83 papers and knew with confidence that she ranked at the top somewhere. His explanation and overwhelmingly encouraging comments made all the difference in Deedee's response.

Early in the week, we met a lady who said she's been a high school/college English teacher for 32 years, and she asked to read Deedee's paper. She was very impressed and told us that Deedee's writing was wonderful and had made the topic come alive for her. It turns out that she was about to leave on a trip to Poland to tour the concentration camps and is quite interested in studying the Holocaust. She told Deedee that she'd love a copy of the paper to share with her students as she thought it might inspire their writing, and she gave us her card. As she left, she kept assuring us that she was so impressed with Deedee's work.

This lady's remarks did make Deedee feel better, for despite being a gifted writer and a hard worker, she is by nature someone with low expectations and a bit on the pessimistic side. Interestingly, it later turned out that this woman was the teacher of the boy who won the gold medal for his paper on Egypt! (His was one of only two papers I'd read that I thought were very well done.) I look forward to discussing, via email, the way the judging transpired with this teacher when she returns from her trip. I'm certain she will *not* agree with the judge who felt the White Rose group was an "insignificant" part of WWII history.

So, amazingly, instead of being depressed, Deedee was stoic in her disappointment and even determined to get to work on next year's paper -- this time being prepared to confront such judges who might have the gall to think that the actions of a mere individual or small group aren't important unless they can produce immediate tangible results.

While we were in DC, Deedee bought a T-shirt that expresses her strong feelings on this matter:

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world. Indeed it's the only thing that ever has."

And I have no doubt that my Deedee will one day change the world for the better. I am so proud of her.

Kim

We Interrupt this Journaling....

2008-05-12T10:42:00.000-07:00

...of our very "ordinary" days to bring you news of an extremely extraordinary day in our homeschooling!

This past weekend, my 17yo dd Deedee, a junior in our high school homeschool, won top honors at the California State Finals History Day competition in the Historical Paper category!

Deedee will now be competing in the National History Day contest in Washington, D.C. in June, representing California along with fellow winners from other categories (including drama, exhibits, documentaries, and websites). The theme for this year’s contest is “Conflict and Compromise,” and Deedee’s research paper is focused on the White Rose, a group of German college students who protested Hitler’s war against the Jews during the Holocaust.

Deedee is thrilled with the opportunity to go to Washington, D.C. In addition to participating in the wonderful History Day contest experience, she plans to spend a few days researching at the National Holocaust Museum. While we are in D.C., I will interview and film some of the students and events at National History Day in order to encourage others from our county (both homeschoolers and traditionally schooled students) to get involved with History Day in California next year.

So Deedee and I will have just a one-week break between the Scholastic National Awards Ceremony for the Young Artists and Writers competition in NYC and the National History Day competition in Washington, D.C. Busy, busy, busy! But we are so proud of Deedee and all her hard work.

Ok, next entry I will return to my regularly scheduled accounting of a "normal" week in our homeschooling life -- relaxed style. ;-)

Blessings,

Kim

Tuesday, May 6th, 2008 -- Freedom Academy

2008-05-07T14:15:00.000-07:00

I'll call yesterday Day #1 in my project of describing a "normal" week in our busy homeschooling family. Please remember that what I say here works for my family very well, but I can't promise you that it will be perfect for your family, too. Sort of like those medical or legal disclaimers that come at the end of all the ads, eh? ;-o No, it's not that bad... ! I do stand by our relaxed philosophy and methodology. I firmly believe that how we handle our daily living and learning can work for many other homeschool families as well, if they approach things with the right attitude.

Have you noticed that our lives -- not just the results, but also the experiences along the way -- are greatly affected by the way we think and behave? I have seen a direct link between my perspective and what happens each day... between my perspective and how others react to me... between my perspective and how my kids treat each other. Wow -- that realization throughout the years has caused me to guard against being too uptight or set in my ways. Maintaining the eternal and compassionate perspective I should have has also forced me to reevaluate my priorities regularly. So what we're doing this month might evolve into something quite different by next month in order to better emphasize whatever God wants us to learn at that time.

Ok, enough preface already. On with the show.

Mornings at our house:

Yesterday morning was much like any other weekday morning. The older three girls get up between 6:30 and 7 am to get ready for their days, and the three middle kids usually wake up about 7 am to get their own breakfast and do their chores. Sometimes an older girl will sleep in until the last minute (7:30 am), and I have to hustle her out of bed, but not normally... and not yesterday. Often one or both of the boys will get up early (even 5:00 am!) to play their educational "Civilization" computer game before breakfast and chore time. Yesterday, Ben did this and enjoyed the quiet time to himself.

Audrey's crib is in my room, so she wakes me up every morning around 6:30 am. (My husband is often gone before this time -- either running or to an early prayer meeting or to work.) After changing and dressing Audrey for the day, I start an educational DVD for her (an animal one from the San Diego Zoo or a Musical one w/ great classical music and counting and such). The TV is in my room, so Audrey remains in her crib during this time. My 4yo Megan usually joins Audrey within a few moments. They much on cheese sticks and bananas while I get ready for the day. I start coffee and read my Bible a little.

At 7:4o am, I leave to take Caiti to her job at a law office in town and drop Deedee and Shannon for their morning music, art, and Advanced Math classes at the community college that is just 1 mile from our home. While I'm gone, Ben, Ellie Rose, and Jim finish their chores. Megan and Audrey either come with me or finish their movie, as I am only gone about 20 minutes.

Since this is the way things go every weekday morning, I won't repeat the description every day. You can just assume all went as usual unless I mention something otherwise. ;-) I will say that until the last couple of years, I did **not** get up and moving this early. I mean, babies and toddlers always have you up early, but that doesn't mean you're necessarily functioning in any real way! ;-) But I do admit that the early start has been a positive change overall. I think I will continue with it even if the need to be out the door fades. I just seem to have a more energetic attitude towards the day when I start it this way -- which actually is a big surprise to me as I have never considered myself a "morning" person at all.

So after I returned home yesterday morning, I took my two little girls outside, and they ran around while I transplanted tomatoes and such. The middle kids (that's how I refer to Ben, Ellie Rose, and Jim-Bob in shorthand) were in the dining room and kitchen with the windows open, facing the front yard, so we could talk back and forth when necessary. They did some free reading, and thenJim worked on a story he's been writing, Ellie Rose copied some poetry and did some music theory on the computer, and Ben finished up some map work (he was actually studying the major roads in the U.S. at the time of the War of 1812). After a while, Jim came out to join me and helped me with the gardening, while Ellie Rose and Ben practiced their instruments (flute and clarinet).

At lunchtime, some friends delivered two cute Birman kitties to us, and the kids played with them while I threw together some sandwiches and fruit. My aunt arrived with her boys (13 and almost 15), and I ran over (well, drove) to the college to pick up the girls. Back home, I put Audrey down for her nap and settled Megan with some puzzles and art supplies and her little dollies and cars and such in the front room. Ellie Rose and Jim and their 13yo cousin went outside to play, while Ben and his older cousin and I sat down in the dining room to tackle algebra for an hour and a half. My two older girls would usually go off to their rooms at this point to work on their own academics and reading and art and such -- they are almost completely independent learners. However, Shannon was distracted by the kitties and took them to her room to cuddle, and Deedee went outside to help Jim paint his Awana Grand Prix car -- he wanted it to look just like a giraffe. ;-)

After Algebra, the boys played "Civilization" for 20 minutes or so (since Ben can't play outside at the moment due to the fact that he cut his hand with the saw a few days ago, and I don't want him getting it dirty....). After their break, the older boys called in the others, and we did our weekly unit study in American History. We are, as mentioned above, currently at the War of 1812 and finding it all very interesting. The kids shared their artwork and stories and maps and such, and then we discussed Tecumseh and W.H. Harrison and Napoleon and the British and Washington D.C. burning and generally had a great time. During this time, Shannon was playing outside with Audrey and Megan, and Deedee had been picked up by a friend to go back to the college for a choir practice.

4 pm! Plans for a Pampered Chef party for last night fell through when the hostess called to say the "party lady" had a family medical emergency, so the show was cancelled. My aunt arrived to pick up her boys, and I watered the liquid amber trees as the kids rode bikes and/or played with the kitties. At 4:30 pm, I went over to the college and grabbed Deedee and her best friend, dropped them at home so they could make some quick burritos, and then went to pick up Caiti from her job. I had Megan and Audrey, of course, and they enjoy running these late afternoon chauffeur trips with me. I bring them a snack, and we listen to K-Love (a Christian music radio station), and we usually stop and get a raspberry tea or an Italian soda somewhere along the route...

When I dropped Caiti at home, I asked her to put some water on to boil, and I took Shannon to her ballet class and Deedee and her friend to their Orchestra Dress Rehearsal for this weekend's performance.... Then I brought the little girls home and made some spaghetti. It was about 6:15 pm at that point...

Ok, I'll have to update the rest of this later when I have a little more time. ;-)

Blessings,

Kim

Writing Down our Days...

2008-05-07T07:24:00.000-07:00

Ok, a new challenge for me!

I thought it would be interesting to record what my kids do in our homeschool every day for a week. Now this information, of course, won't necessarily indicate exactly what we do every week in our homeschool.Perhaps it won't be representative of an "average" week at all. However, it will be an accurate and (hopefully!) thorough description of a true week in our lives.

I do believe that every week we follow our overall philosophy of homeschooling and are simultaneously open to God's guidance (because He does often like to take us on side trails that may seem insignificant at the time...), we are successful. We will be exposed to a broad variety of interesting information, and we will learn whatever it is that we are supposed to be learning that week.

I only have a few moments now, so I won't begin to describe our day yesterday, but later today I will return to spend some time thinking back over all that we did. Today promises to be busy but fun as tonight is our Awana's Grand Prix race. For now, I need to get some coffee and drive my oldest daughter to her job. The sun is already pouring through the window and again I thank God for the warm, bright seasons He sends after the dark winter.

More later,

Kim

In the Blink of an Eye...

2008-05-05T21:58:00.000-07:00

The warm weather has started.

Relatively speaking, it's warm. I know 90 degrees F might seem to border on "hot" to some people, but to those of us who live in this area, it's just warm. And most of us thrive in it.

Winter, with its grey, rainy gloom, has always been difficult for me. When it's dark and chilly and drizzly (or freezing and windy and ugly), I have to fight depression constantly. Not so in the bright, beautiful sunshine of spring, summer, and fall. Again, thankfully, because I live where I do, three out of the four seasons are usually very sunny -- and believe me, I value this factor highly. I absolutely love the warm spring, the hot summer, and the gorgeous autumn days.

But last summer, in the middle of all that beauty and warmth and energy and joy, something happened to change everything. Yesterday marked 9 months since August 3rd, 2007 -- 9 months since I gave birth to Nathan Jeremy, my little boy who died in the womb because his cord betrayed him.

I remember the morning vividly. It was just a normal day. After making sure everyone had eaten breakfast and was happily occupied, I walked outside with my then 18yo son to talk about where I wanted him to dig some big holes for me in the front yard. We were going to plant a double row of liquid amber trees the coming weekend, and we'd been flooding the ground for days to make the digging easier.

He and I stood in the area where the trees would soon be, and we discussed trivial things -- his work schedule, the fact that he still needed to buy some luggage so he could start packing for his first year at college, and what we were having for dinner that night. I decided to change the planting sites for a few of the trees just a bit, (Paul rolled his eyes good-humoredly), so I kicked dirt over the old white spray-painted circles and sprayed a couple of new ones. Then I was off to take my 16yo daughter to work and then to drive on to the next city for my regular midwife appointment.

As I made my way slowly down the driveway, I waved to Paul, and I saw my two younger boys had joined him. My 12yo son was digging hard, too, and my 7yo son was giving it his all but not getting far. I thought to myself what a blessed Mom I was to have such great, healthy, hard-working, caring, wonderful kids. A few moments later I dropped my daughter at her job and told her I'd pick her up at lunchtime. I didn't know that before then my whole world would turn upside down.

When the midwife couldn't find the heartbeat that morning, I wasn't worried at all. She and I both knew everything was fine. I was healthy, the pregnancy had been completely uneventful, the baby had been kicking away for the entertainment of his siblings the day before, and in only a few weeks, my due date would arrive. This was just a fluke. I smiled and tried to be patient. Sometimes you have to move that little Doppler device all around to find that evasive heartbeat when you have such an active baby.

But no matter where she tried, she couldn't find the heartbeat. And she knew... before I did, of course... and she told me we needed to go in the next room for an ultrasound... but she knew.

As I got up from the table and followed her in stunned silence, I just kept shaking my head. This couldn't be happening to me. My baby couldn't be dead. Gone. Just like that.

But he was. And as the silence echoed throughout that small, dark room, and as the midwife reached for my hand, I understood all at once the overwhelming meaning of what had happened. My baby, still large in my womb, was no longer with me. And there was nothing I could do to change that.

The days that followed were hard ones. I moved through the end of the summer and the fall in a state of numbness, going on with my life only due to the mercy of God. The Psalms, constant meditation and prayer, my other children, my husband, and faith-strengthening Christian music were my lifelines during that time and all winter long.

But with the arrival of the warm weather and the sights and smells of summer coming at me everywhere I turn, I am taken back to last year when I was still pregnant and looking forward to my beautiful, miraculous new baby. And I realize that this summer will be difficult for me in some ways -- but I also know that God is so good. He has proven Himself to me over and over again. He has shown me such a magnificent eternal perspective on Nathan.

You see, my son didn't really die. He was just born straight to heaven. He's there right now, safe and happy, waiting for me. Nathan never had to know pain; he never had to experience hardship; he never sinned. Instead, his entire life is being lived in the presence of Jesus. What an honor! What a fantastic thing! I am so thrilled for him!

Yes, I miss him. So much. I spend time thinking about him and making his grave beautiful and sharing about him. But mostly, when I think of Nathan Jeremy, I am able to smile (though sometimes with a few tears) -- because in my mind I see him running free in the warm sunshine of Heaven.

One day, very soon, I will join Nathan. It will happen quickly. Things can change in a fraction of a second, you know. Yes, in just the blink of an eye.

In the Blink of an Eye

(from Mercy Me's "Undone" CD)

You put me here for a reason; You have a mission for me.
You knew my name, and You called it
long before I learned to breathe.
Sometimes I feel disappointed by the way I spend my time.
How can I further Your kingdom
when I'm so wrapped up in mine?

In the blink of an eye... that is when...
I'll be closer to You than I've ever been.
Time will fly, but until then,
I'll embrace every moment I'm given.
There's a reason I'm alive for the blink of an eye.

Though I'm living a good life, can my life be something great?
I have to answer the question before it's too late.
If I give the very best of me, that becomes my legacy.
So tell me, what am I waiting for? What am I waiting for?

In the blink of an eye... that is when...
I'll be closer to You than I've ever been.
Time will fly, but until then,
I'll embrace every moment I'm given.
There's a reason I'm alive for the blink of an eye.

Blessings

Kim

Pancake Mix

2008-05-04T07:06:00.000-07:00

(from the More-With-Less Cookbook cookbook by Doris Longacre)

Small Batch:

6 Cups flour (I vary this -- 4-5 C whole wheat and 1-2 C of another whole grain like buckwheat, millet, spelt, etc. Often I throw in some rolled oats as well...)
1 Tbsp. salt
6 Tbsp. baking powder (non-aluminum)
6 Tbsp. brown sugar
2 Cups powdered milk (I use non-fat)

Large Batch:

12 Cups flour (whole grain)
2 Tbsp. salt
3/4 Cup baking powder (non-alum.)
3/4 Cup brown sugar
4 Cups powdered milk (non-fat)

Mix the above well and store in an airtight container. The large batch makes 17 Cups of the mix.

To use:

Combine in a bowl....

1 beaten egg
1 Cup water
2 Tbsp. melted butter or canola oil (I use 1/2 applesauce or Butter Buds)
1 1/2 Cups dry pancake mix

This makes only a few pancakes though. I always 5x the recipe for my big family. This amount produces enough pancakes to feed 8-12 people -- depending on their appetites! To 5x the recipe, use:

5 beaten eggs
5 Cups water
1/3 Cup melted butter or oil (or 1/2 applesauce or Butter Buds)
7 1/2 Cups of the dry mix

This is a very quick, easy, and yummy pancake recipe. Try it! If you're just starting with whole grains, use 2/3 unbleached flour and 1/3 whole wheat flour. Slowly transition to more whole grain flour each time you make the recipe. Have fun experimenting!

Where does the time go?

2008-05-01T09:20:00.000-07:00

As the cliche says, "Time flies!"

Wow, it's hard to believe it's been more than two weeks since I last wrote here. I think the gap in writing on my blog (the same gap I see on other blogs) stems from two main issues.

First, I think we bloggers (writers though we are...) occasionally feel we have nothing important to say, nothing worthy of a reader's time and attention, nothing profound or life-changing to pass on to others.

I struggle with this "dilemma" at times, and I have to remind myself that people come to blogs like these for various reasons. To share in the joy or sorrow of the day-to-day happenings of others' lives, to glean experienced advice, to soak in a fresh perspective or approach to challenges, to make new friends -- these are all common reasons people frequent blogs.

However, I doubt many of us read people's personal thoughts and ramblings expecting to discover something deep and meaningful that will alter the course of our existence. Of course, it might happen, but I don't think anyone is planning on it. So why let ourselves feel pressure to "perform" in any certain way? Why worry that some anonymous reader out there is going to view our writing as trivial and pointless? Uuuuhhhh..... so what? ;-)

Secondly, I think we are all simply busy!

I know my own life is crammed full. I'm chasing my toddler, grocery shopping... again ("Mom, there's nothing to eat!"), reminding my teens of various important deadlines, working just a little in the garden, updating my Netflix queue with appropriate history DVDs, helping the kids with their math (carrying, borrowing, making change, deciphering Roman numerals, reducing fractions, and conquering algebra... by the way, I now know the answer to "Where am I ever going to use all this math?"), planning a craft-filled American Girl party for my 10yo dd (even though I am soooo not-crafty!), reading aloud the new Mysterious Benedict Society book, baking lots of cookies, matching lots of socks (and wondering how I always end up with 87 singles in search of mates), staying up late into the night with my older kids to discuss the genocide going on in Darfur and the upcoming U.S. elections, meeting at B&N with a mom who wants to talk about pulling her kids out of public school, looking at my "mending basket" momentarily before deciding it can wait (another few years...), starting to teach a Sunday School class, buying plane tickets to NYC (for my 17yo's national award ceremony), arranging for my son to come home from college for the summer, drawing hopscotch squares in the driveway and then demonstrating my expertise, finishing just a couple more pages in my scrapbook, cheering at the Awana Grand Prix (and taking pictures of all their amazingly designed cars), reading a whole book just for me, writing (articles, letters, plays, online groups), and -- of course -- the biggest thing of all, chauffeuring!!!

So, I'm busy. Which sometimes causes me to forget about this blog of mine that's just sitting here waiting for me to come write.

Don't misunderstand me though. I'm not complaining about being busy. I love my life. Truthfully, I consider it to be a simple one. I don't feel rushed (except very occasionally); I don't feel frantic; I don't feel exhausted. Instead, I usually feel satisfied, happy, even exhilarated. I used to wonder why my busy life makes me feel this way, despite the fact that I am actually a quiet type who prefers solitude much of the time. In contrast, many people I know seem overwhelmed with what they call the "craziness" of their lives. So I really thought and prayed about it.

What I finally realized is that my life energizes me and makes me feel content (though still challenged) because we are doing the things that we have decided are truly important to us. These are not the same things that would be important and fulfilling to every family, but they are what God has specifically laid on our hearts to make priorities in our lives at this time. Since I am sure that what we are doing is what is best for us right now, I have no need to worry or second-guess. I can **relax** and enjoy our time with each other as we move through our busy days.

Again, I have nothing profound to say here, and I know you are just as busy as I am. If you have actually read all the way through this long-winded writing, I thank you for your time.

I pray that you and your family are fully enjoying whatever it is that God has given you to do this day.

Rush on -- and relax! ;-)

Kim

How many kids do you have?

2008-04-16T06:41:00.000-07:00

I've really been facing the same question for almost 16 years. I think it's time I went with the answer that feels right in my heart rather than with the one I think makes people more comfortable.

16 years ago in June, my youngest brother, Keith, died in a car accident. It was a bright, sunny morning. He hadn't been drinking or anything like that. He was just driving on a twisting, turning country road to see a friend. Maybe he was distracted by a dog running in front of him. Maybe he was going a little too fast. We'll never know. But he slammed into a tree on the side of the road...and he wasn't wearing a seat belt. He died instantly.

Keith was the youngest of my three brothers -- 5 1/2 years younger than me. He was barely 21 years old when he died. He was still living at home with my parents, and he was going to the local community college, training to be a policeman. He was a good kid... a real peacemaker. Thankfully, he was also a Christian. My mom was only 45 when he was killed (just a few years older than I am now), and his death changed my parents' lives forever.

Keith was one of the 3 brothers who grew up with me. As real as you or me. A major part of my life even though I left for college, (and then marriage, and then life in China...) when I was still 16, and he was only 12. Yet when people ask how many brothers I have, I always hesitate. I always stop to consider whether I should answer 2 or 3. If I say 2, I feel I'm denying my brother's existence. If I say 3, I feel like I need to explain... and that the explanation will probably cause people to be uncomfortable.

For almost 16 years I have never answered that question without pausing to wonder what I should say.

And now there is Nathan.

It's been 8 1/2 months since my baby son Nathan Jeremy died. He was only 6 lbs. (almost), and he died the day before he was born. Some people think it must not feel the same as losing an "actual child" would feel. Well, I can only say that Nathan is just as real to me as Keith is. 21 years here walking around on this earth.... or 8 months kicking and hiccuping inside of a womb... it doesn't seem to really matter. Life is life, and love is love. I doubt God sees a difference.

And for 8 1/2 months I have faced the question, "How many kids do you have?"

Now this has long been an interesting question for me anyway. Given the fact that I have so many children, people have always seemed awestruck with my answer, even back when it was a "lowly" number like 5 or 6 -- or they might be dumbfounded, amazed, befuddled, or terrified, depending on who is doing the asking and their perspective! ;-)

But now the question seems like a test of sorts. Is Nathan as much my child as my others? Did his short life mean anything? Is a baby inside his mother a real baby? Well, of course, he is.

Then don't I have to count him in my total number of children?

But some people say (well-meaning people, I'm sure) that including Nathan in the "kid count" would be awkward for the listener. It would draw undue attention to myself and my grief. It would necessitate a lengthy explanation. It would make others sad as they remember their own losses.

I have solved the issue when I am talking with people online by including Nathan in my signature:

Red-Headed Mom to 9 great kids here on earth...
...and 1 precious son waiting for us in heaven...

I even include the 3 babies I have lost to miscarriages sometimes, depending on the situation. (After "1 precious son," I add in "and 3 surprises".... (And that's a whole different issue, isn't it? Such a painful topic for so many moms.)

But I can't very well walk around town reciting my "signature" at the end of all of my conversations... or even when I am asked the big question concerning how many children I have. I know I can't... because I've tried. Maybe some people could do it gracefully, but for me, that beautiful long description of my kids is just **too** long and, yes, too awkward and attention-grabbing.

And yet, Nathan is my son, too. As Keith is my brother.

And so I am deciding now that when I am asked this difficult question, I will answer with the simple truth. There is no need for long explanations. There is no need to be sad or teary. There is no need to feel guilty that they don't know the whole truth. After all, does anyone?

But there is a need to testify to the sacredness and specialness of life. Just because my son and my brother are living in heaven does not mean they are any less my son and my brother.

Therefore, from this moment forward, I will proudly and matter-of-factly reply that I have 3 brothers.

And yes, I most definitely have 10 children.

Blessings,

Kim

5/6/08 -- ETA (Edited to Add).... I was rereading this post tonight, and I was convicted that some people might find that last comment (about having "10 children") wrong and even hurtful. It certainly might seem strange and perhaps contradictory to some of the main points in this note.

I do firmly believe I have 13 children -- nine here on earth with me at this time, and four waiting for us in heaven. One of the four in heaven now is our son, Nathan Jeremy, and the other three will be (as I mentioned above) "surprises" to us. Maybe they will be boys, maybe girls, maybe (shock of all shock... drumroll, please...) they will be **redheads** like me!!!

However, my husband (though a devoted Christian) is not completely sure that all early miscarried babies are actually living souls in heaven, so I respect his right to this view and do not include these three children in my official, "spoken "count" of kids. My husband wishes he could believe the way I do, but even if that never happens for him on earth, I do look forward to the day that he is happily surprised and blessed in heaven to meet his other children.

To those of you who have experienced the loss of babies through miscarriage, my heart goes out to you. I pray you find peace and healing in the hands of our Father. Truly, He is the God of all comfort. My pain is softened when I think of my babies in the arms of the One who made them and loves them so much. What a wonderful place heaven will be for you when you see Jesus... and your babies!

Blessings,

Kim

Babies Really Do Change the World

2008-04-15T23:14:00.000-07:00

I just stumbled on a gut-wrenching blog. Hmmm.... as if it was by chance. No, of course not - God led me there.

My heart just aches so much right now. Another sweet little baby taken home so soon. Just hours after being born last week, beautiful Audrey was home in heaven. Please join me in praying for her mother, Angela, and her father, Todd, and her three young sisters.

Angela said several times on her blog that Audrey had already changed the world. And I believe her.

I know how tremendously Nathan changed me ... which in turn changed my marriage... and my children... and the way we interact with the people all around us. In other words, Nathan is changing the world, too. Even now I am writing a book about my experiences in this year of sorrow after losing him, and I hope one day that this book will be a comfort and a source of hope as I share my heart with other moms.

I can picture my baby Nathan with Audrey.... and with all the other babies in heaven. Quite a wonderful sight up there, I'm sure. The book __Heaven__ by Randy Alcorn was a great solace to me after I lost Nathan.... as was John MacArthur's book __Safe in the Arms of God__. The only way I have survived Nathan's death is to rest in the knowledge that God truly is good and to remember that He loves my Nathan even more than I do.

But I am **so** looking forward to the day I hold my son again.

Dear Nathan Jeremy.

Blessings,

Kim

Surviving the Interview...

2008-04-15T21:28:00.000-07:00

Well, Deedee's interview went great. She did an excellent job -- just her usual confident and enthusiastic self! I'm so proud of her, and I'm so glad we've had the privilege and fun of homeschooling.

My kids would not be who they are today if they had not had the time and freedom that homeschooling has provided them through the years. They've had the ongoing opportunity to explore their interests deeply..... not to mention how homeschooling has helped them feel comfortable with being weird. And being weird is definitely a good thing in this world. It teaches you to stand up for what you believe even when no one seems to agree with you.

Blessings,

Kim

Sharing ourselves with others...

2008-04-15T06:34:00.000-07:00

Today is the day the local educational reporter will interview Deedee for the paper. She is so nervous about it. Though most people consider her (and me, for that matter) to be outgoing, confident, and impervious to self-doubt, this is far from the truth. In reality, we're both shy loners of a sort. However, we're also both actresses, so we know how to fake it really well.

Faking it can be a good thing. It can be helpful in many situations. And often when we fake an emotion (like confidence), we end up absorbing it into our system and truly feeling it.

But faking it is also stressful and draining. It's so much easier to relax and be ourselves. To an extent anyway. Of course, we don't want to go too far in that direction either, do we? After all, people wouldn't really understand our mixed-up thoughts and occasional moments of desperation, and our selfishness and greed might confuse and depress them. They might even judge us.

Anyway, aren't we supposed to be shining examples of good Christians? Aren't we supposed to edify others through our words and actions? Aren't we supposed to lead others to God by showing how much He has blessed and transformed us?

Well, yes... and no.

It's a fine line we walk in this life. We don't want to discourage others with our insecurities and failures, our missteps and human frailties. And yet, the thought creeps in, isn't that all just pride?
We shouldn't care what others think of us.

It is when we share of our innermost fears and questions that others will see they are not alone. It is when we expose our vulnerabilities that others will realize they are not the only imperfect ones. It is when we are honest about the fact that our salvation and the blessings in our lives have nothing at all to do with us and everything to do with the Lord's grace and mercy that others will feel the love and power of God.

If only we could remember all of this on a moment to moment basis. Please, God, make it more true in my life every day.

However, I don't think this philosophy applies equally to every setting -- certainly not to a reporter interviewing you about your award-winning play. ;-) I know Deedee (and I) will be glad when this hurdle is in the past.

Kim

Stanford... or... Yale??? Yale... or... Stanford???

2008-04-12T23:28:00.000-07:00

And with just five days to spare before the FINAL, FINAL, FINAL deadline....

Caiti... finally... chose........

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

STANFORD!

She had us all fooled though. We thought for sure she was going to pick Yale, and then she surprised us completely and chose Stanford.

Yeah! Just slightly closer to home... ;-)

(Only 4 1/2 hrs. drive.)

So she's 20 years old (well, 21 in July), and she heads off for her own apartment and a 5-yr. Ph.D. program in modern British history in mid-September. All her costs (tuition, study abroad, etc.) are covered -- plus, she gets a huge yearly stipend. God has blessed her so richly. And she is very relieved to have the big decision over now. ;-)

We are, too. One down, eight to go....

Kim

Also coming in June...

2008-04-12T23:17:00.000-07:00

Right after Deedee and I get back from NYC, Shannon and Ellie Rose have their full week of daily rehearsals leading into the big Dance Performance weekend. They are doing "The Red Shoes" ballet, and Shannon has two big roles.

The day after the Dance Performances, we leave on a 3 1/2 week cross-country road trip. We'll be seeing relatives and friends, but mostly we'll be visiting a lot of historical sites. Washington DC, Mt. Vernon, Monticello, Williamsburg, Jamestown, and Roanoke, plus the Grand Canyon, and more... I'll post details about the trip as I get it planned. Note to self: plan the trip. (If you have any ideas, please feel free to pass them along to me. I welcome tips of all kinds.)

Caiti, Deedee, and Paul will be staying behind at home. For one thing, they all have jobs. For another thing, they wouldn't fit in the minivan! ;-) We'll be full to the brim with dh, 6 kids, and me.

Speaking of Caiti, I have some long-awaited news about her........

in my next entry! ;-)

Kim

Big News #1 .........

2008-04-12T22:57:00.001-07:00

Deedee and I will be going to New York City for a week in early June because....

Deedee won a huge award!

In January she entered a play in Scholastic's National Art & Writing Competition. There were over 100,000 original entries, and 10,000 earned Regional awards (8,000 works of art and 2,000 manuscripts). Deedee's play won a Regional Gold Key award and moved on to National judging. Then this past weekend we learned that her play has actually won the highest award possible at the National level! (Only 600 works of art and 320 manuscripts won any kind of national award.)

So Deedee will now be receiving a Gold Medal at Carnegie Hall, enjoying workshops with accomplished writers and artists, and touring places like NBC, the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and Scholastic Publishing. She'll also have opportunities for publication of her play. While in NYC, she and I intend to do some sightseeing, of course, as well as take in a Broadway play.

This coming week, our local newspaper is doing an interview with Deedee (and me) because they want to do a big "Profile" story on her. They think she sounds very interesting. They don't know the half of it! ;-) She's a bit nervous about being a representative for homeschoolers (especially with all that's gone down in California lately in regards to homeschooling), and her best friend didn't help matters any. She and her family have been interviewed several times over the years because her mom heads up our county's homeschool network group, and she told Deedee not to worry because the reporters will always take the stupidest thing you say and publish it front and center! Or just misquote you! Yikes! But we want to do our part to educate people -- they need to learn that homeschooling does work and really does turn out great kids with a passion and purpose for making a difference in this world.

Of course, her younger brother Ben (almost 13) put things into perspective quite nicely.

Ben: "I don't think Deedee's that interesting."

Mom: "Ben, you don't mean that!"

Ben: "Well, 'interesting' isn't the right word. She's just really busy."

And so we are. ;-)

Kim

All the World's a Stage...

2008-04-10T21:42:00.000-07:00

Wow! I have been so busy that I haven't posted here since our trip to see the Wiggles. And I still haven't put those pictures online either. Hope to do that soon, but just how soon we will see....

The season of performances is now upon us.

The Youth Symphony performs tomorrow afternoon -- that includes Deedee on bassoon, Ben on clarinet, and Ellie Rose on flute. Deedee is actually playing a bassoon concerto, so it's a special day for her. Then on Thursday night, Deedee is playing in an adult bassoon quartet concert. Then a few days later, she has a 3-day trip to Santa Barbara scheduled with her Chamber Choir Tour (SB is about 10 hours south of us). In a few weeks, we'll have Deedee's two Band concerts (on oboe), her adult Orchestra concert, and her big double-choir concert.... and then there is Ben's Choir concert, and Ellie Rose's/Jim's Choir performance, too.

Not to mention other stuff -- well, I guess I will mention some of it since this is what my life is about right now. In May we also have the Art Gallery Show, and both Shannon and Deedee are hoping some of their recent work qualifies for this event (as well as for a prize perhaps). Deedee and I will be traveling down to Sacramento (2 1/2 hrs.) for the annual History Day state finals competition. She entered a research paper this year.

The theme is Conflict and Compromise, and she wrote on the White Rose group. They were young Germans (college-age) who published and distributed anti-Nazi booklets, calling on their people to listen to their moral and spiritual consciences, to voice their opinions loudly, and to overthrow Hitler. No one listened to them, but they kept on making noise and taking risks; even after they were caught they refused to compromise. They were executed, and only now is their whole story coming to light. It's an inspiring narrative, and Deedee did a great job analyzing it and bringing it to life.

Oh, yes, and Paul comes home for the summer on May 17th! He and Deedee start work at the Aquatic Center the following week. He's a head lifeguard, and she teaches swimming lessons to kids and adults of all ages.

And then June looks really busy, too.... but I'll tell you about that very interesting development in my next note! ;-)

Kim

Can You Point Your Fingers and Do the Twist?

2008-03-27T23:55:00.000-07:00

My 4yo dd Megan and I just returned from a trip to see the Wiggles in concert in Sacramento! It was such fun -- a really special time just for the two of us to share. Definitely worth every minute of the 5 hr. round trip drive. I didn't tell her where we were going until we arrived, so she was completely surprised and totally thrilled!

I took lots of pictures of Megan (and of the Wiggles) .... and even some cute videos of her dancing and singing. ;-) I'll be sure to post some of the shots here very soon. Her excitement and happiness shine through clearly in the pictures. You know, there's nothing quite like sitting back and watching your child enjoy life.

Blessings,

Kim

Yeah! They fixed the blog site!

2008-03-26T22:21:00.000-07:00

I'm so happy. There have been problems with this site for almost a month that have prevented me from editing or rearranging my page elements ... or even adding anything beneath a certain point on my page. It was becoming very frustrating, and I was beginning to wonder if it would ever be fixed. So I was thrilled to find the problem completely gone when I checked my blog this evening. ;-)

Now if only the same could be said of my page at the Homeschool Lounge. Yikes! I spent such a long time getting my "Nook" there to look just right -- even learned how to paste in html code and managed to get my pictures just the right size and exactly where I wanted them, etc... And then I took a two-week break while I did our Drama performances, and my son was home from college for Spring break, and we had the big Easter/birthday party, and my daughter earned her driving permit, and I drove back and forth to Sacramento several times so my oldest daughter could fly back and forth to visit grad schools..... and when I went back to THL, it was all crazy with updates that are not totally right yet. All my "perfect" pictures are now HUGE and right in the middle of everything, and I don't know how to fix them, and I'm not sure I should because it all might change again soon anyway. I think I'm just going to give it some time. Maybe it will all fix itself?! ;-)

Tomorrow night I am doing something **really** fun. I'm taking my 4yo to see the Wiggles live in concert!!! They are her absolute favorites, and she knows every song they sing by heart. Her favorite is Murray (mine is Anthony), but she thinks Jeff is funny and Sam is cute. She doesn't like to talk about poor Greg.... Megan has no idea we are doing this, and I can't wait to see her face when she realizes what is going on tomorrow night! I hope I get some good pictures of her smile! ;-)

Blessings,

Kim

Designing Our Own Studies vs. "Canned Curriculums"

2008-03-06T09:59:00.000-08:00

Someone recently asked a question on a homeschooling forum I frequent. I think I will post my answer here, too, as it is a key factor in the way I approach homeschooling.... This homeschool mom asked if anyone strayed from the "canned curriculums" -- the "boxed" sets of texts, workbooks, quizzes, and tests. She wanted to know if anyone actually designed their own studies for their children.

In truth, I believe many of us handle homeschooling this way. Being eclectic isn't only the fashionably "in-thing" -- it's also very wise. After all, our children are individuals with vastly different interests, strengths, and weaknesses.... how could "one way" work best for all of them?

I started creating my own stuff when the original "texts" I ordered for my then 4yo oldest daughter (17 years ago) turned out to be a bunch of boring busywork! So we've never used any textbooks for math, science, grammar. etc... The kids just learn these things through real books and writing, and I make up fun math worksheets for them until they hit the high school level.

Nowadays there is so much available online and so many great lit-based studies and such a wide variety in teaching approaches to science and math, etc., that I can imagine it might be overwhelming to a new homeschooler. My recommendation is that parents expose their kids to a huge amount of exciting info when they are younger and then follow their specific interests more deeply as they grow older.

By the way, choosing your own material selectively and planning your own studies according to your timetable is NOT the lazy way out that I have sometimes heard it called. My kids are definitely self-disciplined and self-motivated and have real goals in life and know what they must do to reach those goals. A "complete curriculum" that covers "all the bases" is not the only way one can learn diligence and responsibility. We have found plenty of methods for teaching those skills as well, but we like to keep the joy of curiosity and the passion for learning alive and well in our kids. We have found that designing our kids' studies based on their individuality is an excellent way to accomplish this purpose.

Blessings,

Kim

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words....

2008-03-05T22:42:00.000-08:00

I am blessed with three older daughters who are all great at taking pictures. When I stayed in the hospital with our baby Nathan (who was born still this past August due to cord entanglement), I just held him for one whole day and night, and my girls took a lot of pictures. That's how I was able to put together Nathan's scrapbook -- which includes pages of all the different kids holding him (except my two youngest).

But one thing I had put off doing until now. I have a wall of baby pictures of all my kids which were taken when they each were between 5 and 7 months old. Today I put up one of my favorite pictures of Nathan that I had blown up to an 8x10 size and framed in an old-fashioned looking gold frame. It fits beautifully, and he looks so right, hanging there next to his brothers and sisters.

Since I have 9 other kids, there are 3 rows of 3 of them; they are all in 10x13 dark oak frames, and they are hanging vertically. Nathan's picture is to their right, just over a picture of a mom rocking her baby, with the words "For This Child I Prayed." Because his picture is in a gold 8x10 frame and because it hangs horizontally, it looks special, but yet it still looks like it's supposed to be there -- and it is.

All the kids like it alot, and my dh does, too.

I had a few other favorite snapshots blown up to 5x7 size and framed -- the one I've mentioned here previously, where Nathan is up on my shoulder and looks like he's snuggling my neck, and another one of just his perfect little hand resting in my hand on top of the pretty blanket I crocheted him that I still have with me. The hand picture is on top of one of our bookcases in the front room, and the other is by my bed. I can almost feel I'm holding him when I look at it.

I realize pictures might be too difficult for some moms who lose a child, but for me they have been a real help. I have one other one in a 5x7 -- it's Nathan all cuddled in his blanket, and his little hand is placed in his oldest brother's hand -- you can see Nathan's sweet face, and his arm and hand, but you can only see Paul's big 19yo "man" hand. My oldest daughter put a poem on that picture that I like a lot. I'll share it with you here. The numbers can be changed to make it work for any family. (I believe it originally had the numbers three and four....)

"we are eleven in our family
we are twelve in our family
eleven and twelve -- at the same time.
our invisible child that we carry with us
without anyone seeing him....
only when you know our invisible child
do you know our family."

(by Ingrid Marie Aase)

Blessings,

Kim

But what about socialization???

2008-03-05T07:27:00.000-08:00

Some new homeschoolers worry about the whole "socialization" question. Us old-timers just tend to roll our eyes when that question comes along -- please, forgive us, but you'll be there, too, one day! ;-)

I say, if your kids are young, (11, 12, or less), relax. There will be plenty of time for friends later. My goal has always been for my children to be each other's best friends anyway -- and it *is* possible! ;-)

My oldest kids (due to financial constraints at the time and only one car) were not involved in anything outside of church and Awana for years. Didn't hurt them a bit. As a matter of fact, I think it's much better for them at that young age. Gives them more time to spend with me and each other, on their academics, having fun with board games, reading great books, playing outside, doing art projects, etc. -- less time to grow concerned with what other kids are wearing (expensive name-brands or immodest clothing), playing (X-box, etc.), or watching (TV, movies...) and more time to soak up our family's values and the Scriptural training we are giving them.

There are so many cheap or inexpensive things you can do. When my kids were very young, (7 and down), and we lived in a pretty "bad" neighborhood in upstate NY, (w/ lots of children home alone until late at night), I organized an afternoon "read-aloud time" for all the kids in the neighborhood. Usually about 20 kids came each day to gather on our covered front porch to hear me read from the "Little House" books. I passed out homemade cookies, and sometimes we sang songs afterwards, and then the kids rode bikes together as I watched for a short time. (I would *not* have left them unsupervised!) But those kids were desperate for attention, and my kids saw how blessed they were.

Some of the free or inexpensive things we have done over the years for both younger and older kids have been: homeschool choir, nature walks w/ the homeschool group, weekly Park Day and/or Sing-Alongs w/ homeschool group, organized field trips (to Civil War reenactments, the local ice cream store, the Shasta Dam or caverns, etc...), monthly homeschool skate days, community symphonic band and the youth orchestra, a teen writing club, a chess club, drama class/performances, Civil Air Patrol, Scottish dancing (only $5 a class), arts and crafts classes at the local Michaels store, B&N Story Hour (twice a week for various ages -- my then 3yo loved getting her picture taken with Clifford!), and so much more.

Really, the opportunity for positive socialization is all around us. Learning to get along and to make friends with people of all ages and backgrounds happens much more easily in the homeschool setting than it ever could in the formal, age-segregated, institutional school environment. My children have been best socialized in many ways by the residents at one of our local nursing homes where we went for over 8 years every week to visit, play music, sing, play board games, tap dance, and listen to their stories. ;-)

If there is nothing going on in your area, start something. (Yes, even if "starting things" is not your usual mode of operation -- be brave!) Start an online support group for local homeschoolers. Encourage other moms to organize actvities. Organize some regular activities yourself. Better yet, let your kids brainstorm some ideas and start some activities. At different times, my kids started our local chess club, a teen writing club, Bible studies with their friends, a science experiment class, and more. I began teaching drama to our local homeschool kids about 6 years ago, and it's been a fun way for these kids to really know each other and "grow up" together over the years.

One thing I've noticed is that kids tend to "socialize" (as in, talk, play, make friends) a lot more before or after the official activity, so try not to be the ones who arrive late and rush off right as it ends. Every week before drama or choir or whatever, the kids run up to each other and start sharing what they've been doing with each other excitedly.... and then afterwards, they never fail to start a pickup game of touch football or act out a castle-and-knights story or teach other to play the group jumprope rhymes -- actually, us old-time mommas have to "jump" in and show them how it's done....!

What touches my heart the most is the way the older kids (17, 18 years old...) play with the younger kids (down to 5 or 6 years old). Last week after drama, I looked around my big yard and saw a game of touch football that included several high school boys along with a few 4th/5th grade girls, and a bunch of young 5 to 8 yo boys. They were all having a blast together. It wasn't just the older boys indulging the younger kids -- they were all truly enjoying having fun together. ;-)

Then in the sideyard some high school girls were giving advice to a group of rambunctious kids who were playing "King of the Mountain" and others who were climbing trees, but they were also playing with a 4yo boy w/ CP, helping him pick flowers and bring them to his mom and making him laugh. There was no sense of anything forced or awkward about any of this, and nothing was scripted. These kids just expect to have fun playing with all age levels and all different types of people.

I like that.

Once again, I am so glad I have the privilege of homeschooling my kids! ;-)

Blessings,

Kim

Oh, to be like my Jesus....

2008-03-04T22:36:00.000-08:00

"Looking at him, Jesus felt a love for him and said to him, 'One thing you lack: Go and sell all you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.' "
Mark 10: 21

Let the Redeemed of the Lord Say So....

"My Jesus" (by Todd Agnew)

Which Jesus do you follow? Which Jesus do you serve?
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ,
Then why do you look so much like the world?
Cause my Jesus bled and died;
He spent His time with thieves and liars.
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant --
So which one do you want to be?

Blessed are the poor in spirit,
Or do we pray to be blessed with the wealth of this land?
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness,
Or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sand...
Cause my Jesus bled and died for my sins;
He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars.
He loved the poor and accosted the rich --
So which one do you want to be?

Who is this that you follow --
This picture of the American dream?
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side...
Or fall down and worship at His holy feet?
Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair
and a clear complexion...
Is how you see Him as He dies for your sins.
But the Word says He was battered and bruised --
Or did you miss that part?
Sometimes I doubt we'd recognize HIm...

Cause my Jesus bled and died;
He spent His time with thieves and the least of these.
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable --
So which one do you want to be?
Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church;
The blood and dirt on His feet might stain the carpet.
But He reaches for the hurting and despises the proud;
I think He'd prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd.
And I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud...

I want to be like my Jesus.

Not a posterchild for American prosperity,
But like my Jesus.
You see, I'm tired of living for success and popularity.
I want to be like my Jesus but I'm not sure what that means...
To be like You, Jesus --
Cause You said to live like You, love like You,
But then You died for me.
Can I be like You, Jesus?

I want to be like my Jesus.

May these be the words of my heart this week.

Blessings,

Kim

7 months ago today....

2008-03-03T10:42:00.000-08:00

... my sweet son Nathan Jeremy was born to heaven. I know he's happy there with Jesus, but I do miss him so much and wish I could hold him again. I have some pictures of me cuddling him up on my shoulder, and he looks like he's snuggling in to my neck. When I look at those precious pictures, I can almost feel Nathan in my arms. Almost. Won't heaven be a wonderful reunion for all of us? I can't wait for that day!

Blessings to all of you who are missing someone special,

Kim

Happy Birthday, Ellie Rose!

2008-02-28T10:00:00.000-08:00

Today is my daughter's 10th birthday! I am so blessed to have Ellie Rose as my child. She is so sweet, friendly, smart, funny, pretty, and loving! She cares deeply about people and about obeying, praising, and serving God. I cannot imagine my life without Ellie Rose, and I am so glad God sent this precious girl to me ten years ago.

There was a time (maybe just a few minutes at most!) right after I had my fifth child, Ben, that I thought perhaps it would be nice if the Lord didn't give us any more children. I contemplated being done with pregnancies and labors, late nights with little sleep, diapers and potty-training, the constant little messes, and the lack of personal time just for me.

But then the realization of all that I would be missing flooded over me, and God once more assured me that only He knew how many children we needed... only He knew just which children He wanted to place in our home. It wasn't up to me to worry about it or question it -- just to enjoy the blessings He so graciously sent our way.

So when Ben was about 1 1/2 years old, I was thrilled to discover I was pregnant again. But then a short while later, I miscarried that little baby at just 7 weeks. It was my 2nd miscarriage; I'd also lost a baby at 11 weeks in the pregnancy before I had Ben. But the pain was still fresh and hard, and I was so sad not to know my baby. Yet God comforted me, and it was such a solace to have chubby Benjamin still nursing and cuddling with me.

Then a few months later I was pregnant again -- and so happy. I held my breath until I passed that "magic" point of 12 weeks when the experts say you are most likely beyond the stage of miscarriage, despite the fact that I knew God was in charge. I was still raw after the last loss and was desperately looking forward to carrying and holding this baby in my arms. And then at almost 15 weeks, I miscarried again.

That was a terrible time. It was such a difficult physical ordeal, and I ended up in the hospital from hemorrhaging so badly, but God protected me, and I came home the same day. To an empty womb and an aching heart. Would I ever have another baby? God drew me to Him closer and closer and calmed my fears and soothed my sorrow.

And then a few months later, I was pregnant again. And nine months later, my beautiful, wonderful Ellie Rose was born. Such a joyous occasion it was -- and such a joyous child she is. She reminds me of how awesome and miraculous each pregnancy and birth is -- how valuable and special each baby is. When I held this daughter in my arms for the first time, I understood the heart of God as I never before had.

Thank you, Lord, for the blessing of Ellie Rose.

Just a Thought...

2008-02-26T23:31:00.001-08:00

Are you trying to live your life so that people will see Christ through you?

I need to remind myself frequently to make sure I emphasize the right things.... because emphasis can be so very important.

After all, I can say that sentence in two different ways, placing the emphasis on different words, and changing the meaning entirely.

Am I living so that others can see Christ through **me**?

Or....

Am I living so that others can see **Christ** through me?

Blessings,

Kim

Music, music, everywhere....

2008-02-22T09:57:00.000-08:00

My home is always filled with music.

My husband plays the piano, keyboard, and guitar. My oldest dd graduated last year with a degree in Music -- flute, voice (opera), and piano. My 19yo son plays the french horn. My 17yo is probably the most devoted to her music -- she is a bassoonist, and she also plays the oboe and piano and sings in several classical choirs. She completed and aced the local college's 2 yr. Music Theory program by the time she was barely 16 and is now the college's Music Librarian. She's been in two Orchestras and a Symphonic Band for years.

My 12yo son is a gifted clarinetist and pianist. My almost 10yo dd plays the flute like her big sister, and the older girls are teaching my 8yo son piano now, too. Even my "non-musical" 15yo dd sings with the older girls in one of our church's Worship Teams. Classical CDs are often playing in the background around here, and we love learning about the composers and musicians.

However, until recently, we had never entered the realm of contemporary Christian music. Perhaps because my dh and I were both raised (albeit all the way across the country from each other in CA and NY) in churches that didn't care for this type of music. We then went to a college that forbade any music but hymns, classical pieces, and a very limited amount of "show" tunes (as in, some of Camelot, Fiddler on the Roof, etc.).

We'd always been told that not only was contemporary Christian music itself "bad" (due to the rhythm, etc...), but that there was really no point in listening to it anyway because you either couldn't hear the lyrics through the awful music or the lyrics were shallow and meaningless.
Well, we didn't feel a lack in our lives because we had beautiful music playing all the time anyway -- and hey, you can't exactly "miss" what you are not aware exists.

Except that, you sort of can, can't you?

This past summer I went to a regular midwife check a month before my due date only to be shocked with the news that my baby had died suddenly due to cord entanglement. I was devastated, of course. As I drove the long 40 minutes back to my home that morning, trying to comprehend what was happening and somehow figure out what I was going to do about delivering my precious baby, I accidentally turned on the radio with my steering wheel button.

It was on a station I'd never listened to in my life (K-Love), and a song started playing just then that was a direct message from God to my heart. It was Casting Crowns' "Praise You in This Storm." As I cried tears of grief and confusion, I felt the Lord reach out through that song and hold me together with His comforting arms. I literally felt the sorrow of God join me there in that car, and I knew I would be okay if I just drew closer to Him and let Him take my pain for me.

Since that time, I have listened to K-Love every time I am in the car driving my children from place to place. My dh and I have invested in a new CD library that is made up of many inspiring Christian artists, and this music is blessing our family in ways I never imagined possible. God has worked through these songs to transform certain aspects of our lives that had long been overlooked, and I am so grateful for the grace and strength He gives so freely, even when we don't realize we need it.

And also during those times when we are exquisitely aware that we do need Him and His love.... or we shall die.

From this time forward, I intend to write out the powerful and moving lyrics from one of these Christian songs each week here. I want to focus my heart and mind and soul on the meaning in the words. I want God to keep transforming me to be more like Him, and this is one tangible way I can do that. For when we sing our praises and prayers to God, He does hear us.

"Praise You in This Storm" (by Casting Crowns)

I was sure by now
that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away --
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say "Amen,"
and it's still raining....

As the thunder rolls,
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you."
And as Your mercy falls,
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives...
and takes away.

I'll praise You in this storm,
and I will lift my hands
for You are who you are.
No matter where I am,
every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand.
You've never left my side,
and though my heart is torn,
I will praise You in this storm.

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind...
You heard my cry;
You raised me up again.
My strength is almost gone --
How can I carry on...
if I can't find You?

I lift my eyes unto the hills;
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord --
the Maker of Heaven and Earth.

I lift my eyes unto the hills;
Whre does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord --
the Maker of Heaven and earth!

I'll praise You in this storm,
and I will lift my hands
for You are who you are.
No matter where I am,
every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand.
You've never left my side,
and though my heart is torn,
I will praise You in this storm.

Romans 8:28; II Cor. 4:16-18; Psalm 42:5; Psalm 121:1-2; Daniel 3:16-18.

I pray God blesses you through these words as He continues to bless me....

Kim

Today is my oldest son's 19th birthday!

2008-02-20T15:21:00.000-08:00

--- and I miss him!!!!!!!!!! (He's off at Claremont McKenna College in southern California studying International Relations & Physics....)

Paul is so great -- just the best kid imaginable! Never had a spark of attitude toward me or his dad ever in his life. Great with the little kids. So smart and such a leader. A real sense of humor. And he has a heart for God and serving people. I am so blessed! I will try to post a picture of my handsome boy later today...

Kim

Relaxing in Our Homeschooling

2008-02-20T15:05:00.000-08:00

I think I have it easy. I was born not really caring what other people think of me! ;-)

My kids and I have a great time together following their passions and not feeling compelled to meet any particular group's expectations or requirements. It is simply freeing to live life without worrying about what others are doing and how you and your kids measure up to them. Instead, we can concentrate on what God has placed in our hearts and prioritize the things He wants us to put first -- and those are different things for every family, of course.

We need to realize that our children will learn what they need to know when they need to know it. Meanwhile, life can be interesting and exhilarating and a lot less stressful.

Sometimes my friends wonder how I can have so many kids and manage all of our activities and still give each child one-on-one attention and help them excel in music or academics or whatever -- and yet not be completely frantic and overwhelmed! I try to explain that my life is easy. I'm not trying to oversee "x" number of math and spelling workbook pages every day in 6 different grade levels. I'm not giving and keeping track of quizzes and grades and busywork assignments. I'm not wondering whether one of the kids is "behind" in a certain subject.

We just get up each day, eager to learn more, ready for reading and making music and watercolor painting and writing stories and acting and building forts and baking yummy brownies and designing jewlery and sewing costumes and doing crazy science experiments and having political debates and conquering algebra and reading some more and dissecting fish and dancing with the toddler and running off to all our activities and cheering each other on and sending silly notes back and forth and enjoying coffee dates at B&N and other fun stuff like that.

I almost feel guilty when I see others so consumed by textbook/workbook constraints and pressures. (I'm not talking about the moms who like those approaches, but the ones who feel restricted by them and yet obligated to them.) I just want to tell them, "Let it go, let it all go. Enjoy your kids. Enjoy learning each day, and focus on your relationships." But that all sounds so condescending.

I remind myself to keep my opinions quiet most of the time, and I try to phrase things as gently as possible when asked directly. Everyone wants to help their children develop to their fullest potential, and none of us is in and of ourselves better than anyone else. Often, there is a lot we can learn from other homeschool moms even when our approach to homeschooling is very different.

I know that though we have always practiced an eclectic, laid-back, interest-driven style of homeschooling, there are still things that have evolved over the years. Though I have always been confident, there are many ways I am even more relaxed now than I was in the past. My kids taught me as we went along through the years what worked best and what was unnecessary. I just paid close attention and adjusted accordingly. ;-)

I only wish everyone could experience the joy and peace that relaxed homeschooling has brought to our family, and I'm so grateful that God led us this way so many years ago.

Blessings,
Kim

2008-02-19T06:50:00.000-08:00

Oven Apple Pancake

(from the _Hearth and Home_ cookbook by Karey Swan)

Melt 1/4-1/2 Cup butter and pour in the bottom of a 9x13" pan. Thinly slice 4-6 green apples, spread in the pan, and sprinkle with brown sugar or drizzle with honey.

Mix in a bowl:

2 Cups milk (I use nonfat)
4 eggs
1 Tbsp. brown sugar
1 Cup whole wheat pastry flour

Mix with a wire whisk and pour into pan. Bake at 400 F for 20-30 minutes.

If you use unbleached white flour, this oven pancake really puffs up -- not so much with the wheat flour, but it still tastes yummy. My kids all love it! ;-) Very easy to make.

Life without TV....

2008-02-18T23:04:00.000-08:00

Someone on a homeschool moms' forum recently asked about living without a TV. I considered the question for maybe two seconds and then jumped right in with my usual long-winded response. ;-) Thought I should copy my little "essay" here to my blog as it actually pertains to something I think is a big part of why our kids have turned out to be the independent, self-motivated, great kids they are!

We have lived basically TV-free for our entire married lives -- that's 22 years. I say "basically" because it is not completely TV-free. We do have two TVs. One is in our bedroom, and one is in my husband's study/game room. In this way, the things are completely under our control. The TVs are only used for family videos once a week, occasional educational DVDs, a late-night video for my husband and me once in a while, and the odd game of football. (Btw, the TVs only "get" 2 channels -- ABC and PBS -- because we don't have them hooked up to cable.)

We do not feel our kids are oversheltered at all. They have seen many movies over the years, and we let the older kids watch movies that other parents might forbid. We talk with them about what we see and really make these things a learning experience. The teens keep up with national and international news through safe internet sites. However, I have always believed that the values and attitudes taught (overtly or subliminally) through modern TV shows are to be avoided at all costs. It is very evident to me (as I work with many homeschooled teens in drama) that there is a BIG difference between those who watch the TV and those who don't.

Not watching TV has always been easily accomplished around here. After all, the kids have never known any other way. It's not as if there was ever a question in their minds about the possibility of watching TV. It's just something we don't do. None of them can imagine having the time to watch the thing anyway because they are so busy living their lives. ;-) I can see that it would be much harder for a TV-watching family to transition away from it than it was for us just never to start the practice at all.

When my older kids were young, people said we'd never be able to keep them off of TV through their high school years. Then when they saw it actually happening, people said that the kids would turn out "weird" -- that they wouldn't be familiar with current cultural references and would look silly or stupid. Well, they were wrong on both counts. My oldest two went off to their respective secular colleges on full academic scholarships (because they'd had time to read and learn and follow their different passions....and play a lot, too!), without ever having watched a single sitcom.

Guess what? It didn't stop them from becoming leaders on their campuses and friends with people from all backgrounds. Their lack of TV has never hindered them for one moment. No, instead I see many ways it has helped them tremendously.

On the other hand, I do now give my teens a mini-"crash course" before they go off to college. My oldest was looked at just a little strangely when she had no idea who "Oprah" was. ;-)

The fact is that there are so many other valuable things that we and our kids can be doing with the time that is so easily wasted on TV. Yes, there is the "garbage in, garbage out" aspect of it all, too. I definitely agree that's important. However, even if there was a channel which offered only wonderful, fantastic programming 24 hrs. a day, I would have to severely limit it. Why settle for "good" when there is "better" to be had?

Having said that, I must tell you that there is one other way we use the TV. I do have my two youngest girls watch an educational DVD every day. This takes about 30-45 minutes, and I believe it is time wisely spent. First of all, I use the time to do something I could not do if they suddenly needed my attention. Secondly, they are actually learning things. One of the "movies" is a sign language tape, another is a foreign language show, another is a real trip to the zoo with up-close looks at all the animals (you know, the ones that are always sleeping in their caves when you go there in real life....!). Personally, I just love the zoo one because there are all these cute little kids and their parents walking around looking at the animals and being so smiley and happy. No one is crying, no one is tired and cranky, everyone is having a fantastic time, and the only thing we hear is wonderful classical music ;-)

The clincher for me though is that my kids are happy and calm when these shows are done. They are not wild; they are not bored. They are ready to move on to something else different and fun. The movie is just a very small element of their day. By the time they are 5 or 6, this little part of their routine will be in the past, and they will move into the stage of watching a family movie with the rest of us once a week.

I am not one to judge what others do about the TV. I have friends who have cable and a gazillion stations, and they tape all kinds of super-sounding shows off of the Discovery channel and really use the TV for interesting educational purposes. If it's not affecting their kids' behavior or attitudes, then I see absolutely no problem with that choice (and it's not my business anyway....). We sort of use Netflix that way to order good educational movies (like the exploration of the Titanic). I even have a whole set of DVDs from the Teaching Company on American History where the Professor dresses up in different costumes and uses different accents for each "lesson" he "acts" out for the audience, and it's been a fun, once-a-week supplement to our current American History studies.

But those kinds of shows are a whole different ballgame than sitcoms and primetime dramas. We grown-ups have a hard time controlling the addictive nature of this type of programming, so should we subject our children to the temptation? I know that we adults often don't perceive the subtle digs to our values and faith that are being constantly pushed on us by the Hollywood entertainment industry. So should we chance that type of crud being pumped into our kids? Still, it's a highly personal call to make, and I'm very glad we're only responsible to make it for our own families.

If others will give us the benefit of the doubt and assume that we have thought through this issue seriously and have come to the decision we believe is best for our own family, then I will attempt to give them that same courtesy. If others will trust that our decision to avoid TV shows (just like our decision to homeschool) reflects our own positive choice for our own family and is NOT a judgment of them and their "inferior" choices, then I will try to grant them that same trust and believe that they are not judging us as ignorant, overprotective fanatics. ;-)

One final thought: People often ask me how my kids have all become such great readers (which in turn has led to other academic "successes"....). I think it relates directly back to the fact that they don't watch TV. They still have vivid imaginations, they love a really good story, and they have the ability to focus intently.

By the way, they say that Mom reading aloud to them is the best entertainment of all. ;-)

Blessings,

Kim

Presidents Day

2008-02-18T10:32:00.000-08:00

Yeah! I found the way to change my fonts, text size, colors, justification, etc. So simple, but I am such a non-techie person, and I'm figuring all of this stuff out strictly by trial and error.

I'm having a Teacher's "In-Service Day" today. I have to finish the last scene for my older kids' drama class and work with my kids on their lines, organize the three piles of books and papers sitting here by my bed, and play with my blog. Now thatI've typed in the Apple Pancake recipe I will probably go make it for the kids' lunch....

Since one of our plays is about American Revolution Heroes, and since we are studying through that period in US History anyway, the kids are all reading books and writing papers and stories and doing artwork all focused on the first leaders and presidents of our country. How pleasingly fitting for today's Presidents Day.

I hope those who find this blog at this initial stage bookmark it and come back for a visit later when it is more reflective of our life. At the moment, it's a testing ground as I explore the possibilites. Of course, that is actually typical of our homeshooling lifestyle in a significant way. Homeschooling for us is all about exploring and discovering and having fun learning.

I'm going to try to add some images and pictures later today... we'll see how it goes...

Kim

My Very First Post....

2008-02-17T13:45:00.000-08:00

I'm excited to start this blog finally. I've always intended to do so, but life happens, you know.... Anyway, I'm having fun arranging things and adding different elements. I really have no idea what I'm doing though, so it still looks pretty boring. However, I'm going to get my oldest daughter to help me out in the next few days and weeks, and I'm sure it will soon be more interesting. ;-)

One thing I want to figure out quickly is how to set up categories. I'd like to have a Recipe section, a History links section, a High School/College section, a Miscarriage & Stillbirth section, and more.

Ok, I'm off to work some more on this now....

Kim